


Welcome to Gotham

by HellsBellsSinClub



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Radio, Gen, Gotham is a strange place, Other, Welcome to Night Vale meets Batman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-18 14:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11876910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellsBellsSinClub/pseuds/HellsBellsSinClub
Summary: “An angst filled city where the skyscrapers reach to the sky. The smog is thick. And where we all choke on the desperation of hopes and dreams while people in capes fly over us at night; Welcome to Gotham.”(A Gotham style Welcome to Night Vale fic)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you listen to Welcome to Night Vale while reading Batman comics. 
> 
> If you want to read more or would like to leave any ideas for future chapters feel free to leave a comment! I am open to ideas.
> 
> Comments are love and kudos are hugs. Please leave either or both if you enjoyed the fic.

_The radio spits and hiss static before a calm and soothing Voice echoes from the speakers._

“An angst filled city where the skyscrapers reach to the sky. The smog is thick. And where we all choke on the desperation of hopes and dreams while people in capes fly over us at night; Welcome to Gotham.”

_A soft piano is played for several moments. It is both haunting and beautiful and for some reason you are reminded of your grandmother. Even though your grandmother never had a piano._

“Hello Listeners. I have been asked to start off this show with a message from the Gotham Community College Council. The message is the following:

‘You may have noticed that there is an out of place classroom in building 3E that has a door plaque that says ‘Art in real life’. If you see the classroom please do not enter it. The College Council is eight-four percent sure that it is a portal to another dimension and would like to remind everyone that accidently entering another dimension and not returning for several weeks is not a good reason for absences nor for missing any tests. So please, leave that classroom alone. The matter being investigated.’

And now for the news. The eight-car pile-up down by the GCPD has been cleared away. Commissioner Gordon has released a statement saying that no one was seriously harmed and the pile-up was with mostly parked cars with no one in them. GCPD has arrested the persons who caused the crash but has not released any details as to why the crash happened. Traffic in the area will now resume its normal, slug like pace in the coming hour.

A new vigilante has appeared on Gotham’s Cape Scene this month. Who is he and what does he want? Is he a vigilante? Or is he a rogue pretending to be a vigilante? He wears a red helmet that in certain lights looks like the head of a male genitalia and a very nice leather jacket. Unlike most of the Cape Scene in Gotham, this young man uses an excessive number of guns and bullets and has a habit of killing people. So far, the young man in question has taken out several drug rings and has made himself the Crime Overlord of Crime Alley.

A rather strange goal if you ask me. But hey, whatever floats your boat Mr. Overlord. Whatever floats your boat. There has been no word on the street as of yet if or when Batman will have his confrontation with the young man, that sources say is called The Red Hood, but keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to duck and cover if you see either of them! No one likes to be hit by a stray Batarang after all. Or a bullet for that matter.

In more exciting news, The Riddler was defeated today by an eight-year-old girl named Suzie. Little Suzie is an avid fan of puns, riddles and crossword puzzles and was one of the many school children who were taken hostage at the museum yesterday while on a school field trip. Before any of the Bats managed to even break into the building, little Suzie not only completed all of the puzzles that The Riddler had left, she also threw a several thousand-dollar statue at the rogue’s head, knocking him out.

Nightwing spent at least five minutes crying with laughter at the sight of little Suzie standing over The Riddler’s unconscious body in triumph. Robin was the one who had to cuff The Riddler seeing as Nightwing was incapacitated by his own laughter. Bruce Wayne, the owner of the statue used to knock out The Riddler, has congratulated Suzie on her puzzle solving skills and good aim. The billionaire has replaced the statue with another one from his collection and has not asked for payment from anyone for the destruction of the last one. What a great guy.

Let’s have a moment to talk about safety for a moment. In the last few weeks there have been many sightings of what appears to be Ninjas. But since they look very obvious and Ninja like, this presenter is slightly hesitant to call them that. I mean, what kind of Ninja advertises that they are a Ninja? I thought the whole idea of being a Ninja was to not be seen or noticed?

Anyway. Safety. It is not a good not safe idea to heckle, curse out or attack these strange Ninja people. They have been proven to be armed and dangerous and are more than willing to leave you upside down on a light post if you annoy them. So far there have been no deaths from these strange Ninjas but it would be best to avoid them just in case.

And now, the weather:”

_Instead of the weather you hear a song about waiting for a bus in the rain. You are extremely confused and have a very bad feeling that this song is going to be stuck in your head for the rest of the week._

“Welcome back listeners.

One of the newest trends for the Gotham Twitter threads has been _‘I’mtellingbatman’_. And it has been a hit. While it is completely unfounded whether or not Batman actually reads these tweets, they are extremely funny and amusing to read. For instance, this one is from _R33ne_Moyt_ who said: _Nightwing has been sitting on my roof petting my cat for the last 10min. plz give her back. #i’mtellingbatman. #ineedtofeedher._ And here is another one from _59oiler_ that said: _Robin fell asleep eating a chilidog and is now covered in it XD. #i’mtellingbatman #plzletthisboysleep._

I have to say, if you have twitter and the time I would suggest you check it out. It will surely brighten your day.

Gotham City Mayoral Council has released a new statement today about the upcoming election. The Statement released explains that the new laws saying that you cannot run for mayor if you have committed serious offences or have been a part of any major gang such as Black Mask’s or Joker’s is in no way discriminatory. It is rather a precaution to ensure that they person whom is chosen for Mayor is not a figure head for any gang leader or rogue or that they are no planning to take over the city and rule as a dictator. Gotham City has strict laws on dictatorship and with having certified insane people ruling and or governing the city.

Our time is coming to an end listeners. Coming up next is the relaxing hour of sweet and soft songs from the local worshipers of the Green. Thank you, listeners. And Goodnight.”

_The Voice is gone. And all that is left is static once more. You are left wondering how you came across this station in the first place._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is both fun and frustrating to write. On one hand, I can write whatever I want. On the other, writing this out to make it sound like a radio broadcast is frustrating as all hell.
> 
> The weather was Banners- Half Light. You can find the music and other possible weather in the works related to this fic. It great. Dema has created a playlist and you should all listen to it!
> 
> Comments are love and kudos are hugs. If you have any ideas that you want to see for this fic let me know and I will try and incorporate them!

_The radio continued to hiss and spit static at you, despite it being a new radio. You sigh and begin to wonder if you should just listen to podcasts off the internet like your many wards tell you when a voice cuts through the static, speaking softly and calmly._

“The gargoyles do not move. They do not speak. They do not judge. Welcome to Gotham”

_You are startled to hear that piano you heard last week. It seems you have once again stumbled upon the odd station you thought you had imagined._

“Hello listeners. It has been one busy week, has it not? Time has just flown past faster than Superman on a caffeine high let me tell you.

Things have been a little hectic this week with Batman and the Red Hood having their show down on Tuesday. The mess leading up to that whole confrontation was less than pleasant to deal with. There was that whole chaos with Black Mask and the Joker and things were blown up and Urgh. Talk about a huge inconvenience. Commissioner Gordon also confirmed that the Red Hood got away and is currently hiding and let me say it again. Urgh.

The clean-up for that confrontation has been done in the traditional Gotham manner. Bruce Wayne, you know the local billionaire who practically throws his money away trying to keep this city standing and is actually a really great guy for doing so? Has funded the whole thing and is paying for a new apartment complex for those in escaping abusive situations to be placed where the blown-up building once stood. Reports have stated that there was really very little to loot and that Nightwing has been seen guarding the area for any looters.

Which does suck a little when you know that you could get some cooper from that blown up building but hey, this radio host is not dumb enough to go up against stupid sexy Nightwing just for some damaged cooper. If you guys really wanna loot you could always try your hand at the local Lex Corp building. There is only a seventy percent chance that you will never be seen again. Those odds are a lot better than the ones of you walking away with your dignity when you are beaten by Nightwing.

Speaking of Lex Corp, CEO and possible melomaniac villain Lex Luthor has announced today that he will be funding a new cancer ward for small children in Metropolis. This comes after Oliver Queen, CEO of Queen Industries announced he was funding an after-school’s sports program for under privileged kids in Star City. While our local Billionaire Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne industries has done his normal funding and charity works for the month, there have been rumours that he is planning to fund something else. What, we don’t know, but it is sure to show up any other Billionaire white boys that’s for sure.

Into other news now, Poison Ivy has declared that the small green house she has made in Robinsons Park is now a male free zone if you are over the age of fourteen. She states that fourteen is the time that most boys start to become men and start to give off hormones that are dangerous to her plants. She says that any male who comes to her green house without her prior permission with be fed to the lovely, giant man-eating lilies. You have been officially warned.

The mayoral office would like to formally request that the citizens of Gotham to please stop sending them bags of cow dung in protest to the election rules. They would like to firmly remind everyone that these rules are there to _stop_ ego maniacs from taking over our city and no amount of dung will change the rules. And no, that is not an actual challenge. Please stop sending dung to the office. The interns are threatening to rebel and no one wants the city to be taken over by angry, underpaid interns.

And now, the weather.”

_Music begins to play instead of anything being said about the weather, like it had the last time you listened to this station. Instead of a song about waiting for a bus in the rain, it is an almost gentle song about half light and you can’t help but feel your heart clench slightly as you listen to the lyrics. You and your wards have been living in the dark for so long, following the mission. If they ever left the shadows fully, would the light fully shine on them? Or would they continued to be shadowed? The song brought some uncomfortable feelings and thoughts to your mind and you feel that you will be pre-occupied by these thoughts for a while._

“Welcome back listeners. We have just received word that someone has once again blow up warehouse thirteen down by the docks. From the report, we were given and the snaps I have gotten from my snapchat, it looks like it was done by the Joker gang. It would be best to stay clear of the docks for a while and leave the matter to the authorities or Batman. Whoever gets there first.

So, I did plan to have a small section of today’s show share a few of the #imtellingbatman tag but seeing as for the past week there hasn’t been anything new added at all except for one that was really mean that compared poor Robin number three to a ruined pizza that was thrown off a roof, given the fact that the boy has obviously gotten into a fight he has definitely not won. Poor kid. Better luck next time you take on someone!

Our show is quickly coming to an end, dear listeners. So, let me finish off this show with a quick thank you to all of you who listened to this broadcast. It was a very pleasant surprise to here that station management was pleased with the requests to play back last week’s show. And I must say, a pleased station management means this radio host gets to live another day with food in her belly. We have been officially placed on the weekly rotation of broadcasts and random screams that echo through the airwaves throughout the day and night and we will be back again next week at around this time of day, assuming we all don’t die before that.

Goodbye, dear listeners. And goodnight.”

_The voice is gone once more, leaving his hissing and spitting of static. You look at the station number and commit it to memory. Gotham was such a weird and strange place, but there are a few small things that truly interest you. This station may become one of them._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Welcome to Gotham the Weather](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11883273) by [Dema](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dema/pseuds/Dema)




End file.
